Sometimes, not a lot, but on most days now I wonder and I think and then I feel like I've wasted so much time without being appreciated.

And sometimes, I wonder why I make the same mistake over and over again. And why no matter where I go, this mistake haunts me to no end. Why did I think that its different when its the same.

Everyone is the same.

Some people tell me this is what makes it interesting, but really? That big do not push button has been pushed so many times this year, every time I think nothing more is to come, someone pushes it again. And then there is this rising knot from my stomach that goes all the way up to my throat when I think about it.

And sometimes, I wonder how I can make it bearable. Because I get so angry when I think about it and sad at the same time.

My circle, has become a square. That space, has become dust.

And then I wonder, is it me?